As I stood in the middle of my bedroom last night around midnight, holding my precious 3 month old in my arms – body bent in frustration and mouth belting out cries and fusses- I couldn’t help but think about God…
How many times have I wailed, upset by His tightened swaddle?
How many nights have I awoken him with my crying out?
How often have I wailed, stiff-bodied, bent in the anguish of this life- all the while He stands with me in His arms?
As I hush gently in my baby’s ears and sing the tunes of some of my favorite hymns I wonder…
God do you hold me now?
Tonight as while I am weary, do you hold me close and whisper the sweet familiar tunes of your promises? Music to my ears.
God are you there too? Swaying from side to side. Gentle smile. Confident to calm my inner strife and soothe my cries.
As I cry you softly sing on. Confident that I will eventually hear your familiar voice and calm. Rest. In your arms. Rest. As I let my fears and cries subside. Rest- not only in your voice but the sound of your steady heart beat. Your heart and warmth that can only be felt when held so tightly close.
Many nights I do this with Sadie. Even on my sleepiest nights I remind myself that I am bigger than she. I know what is best. She may not think she needs to rest right now but as I sway, sing, and swaddle her tightly to my chest I will continue- persistently- to remind her that what she needs is rest. And as she falls back to sleep in my arms I praise God. Not only for the precious child that finally succumbs to my loving embrace but for my Father who continuously holds me insisting that I too need to rest in his embrace.